every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
