he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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