matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
