is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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