Pants 0. Shit 1.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
