this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
