Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
