don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
