I need to stop coming to work sober
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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