This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
