This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
