Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
