Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize