Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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