Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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