If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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