I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
