I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize