I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
