She's JV to your varsity
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
