wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
