Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
my penis made a compromise with my morals
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
