i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
