i'm lost and i look like a hooker
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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