just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize