he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
