Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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