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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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