he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
