that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize