Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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