She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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