As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
