I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
