Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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