some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
