that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My pussy is not your playground.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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