Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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