i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
