Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
