My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
