Just fell off a train. Bad.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
