Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
