did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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