Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
