after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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