we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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