He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
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