Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
