people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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