I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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