You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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