Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
worst night to have a conscience
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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