i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
