Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
