i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
