She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
