We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
