I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
