I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
