Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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