Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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